The Whirled of the Future
Dateline February 15, 2027
A United Nations negotiation team has failed to settle the legal disposition of the body of Anna Nicole Smith after three years of talks. The talks were originally scheduled to end last year, but were extended once the Rightwards (A radical fringe group who believes that Smith's right breast was "perkier" than the left) detonated a nuclear device in Jacksonville, a known Leftward stronghold. The Hefnerites have denied supplying any of their stockpile of plutonium for the nuke.
In a related story, another U.N. committee has blamed the worldwide silicone shortage on the "Anna Niclones," women who have themselves surgically altered to resemble their idol. Speaking from the Gigi Strip Club & Shrine To The Perpetually Defrosted Death Fridge, one Niclone (They all legally change their names to "Anna Nicole") said that true Nicolites understand that the Niclones' transformation into Her image isn't blasphemy.
"It is our way, our path to bring to the world what She did: Love, partying and some impressive cleavage," said the spokesbimbo. "Besides, Nicolites making the yearly pilgrimage to view her body in the Sacred Medical Examiner's office actually prefer to travel with Niclones making the same trip. However, in the event that global warming takes the sea level up to the second floor of the building, please do not attempt to use us as emergency floatation devices again."
Meanwhile, the six-month-old siege of UniParaMGMFox studios continues. Over 35,000 Nicolites surrounded the studio facility after an internet rumor leaked that the studio had planned a series for the SciFi Channel where Anna Nicole would be frozen, thawed and fight crime in the future. Even the announcement last October that project had been shelved after a threatened lawsuit by the producers of Cleopatra 2525 didn't stop the siege.
When asked to comment, Rafael Bandwagon, the ten millionth person to come forward claiming to be the father of Dannielynn Nicole Smith, would only say that the pilot for Anna 2626 was just one of several pilots he had read for. When pressed for the legitimacy of his claim to have fathered a woman only three months younger than he is, Mr. Bandwagon insisted that he was being targeted by a "media witch-hunt," and that the media would better serve the public interest investigating the over 140,000 females who have claimed to be Dannielynn's father.
A United Nations negotiation team has failed to settle the legal disposition of the body of Anna Nicole Smith after three years of talks. The talks were originally scheduled to end last year, but were extended once the Rightwards (A radical fringe group who believes that Smith's right breast was "perkier" than the left) detonated a nuclear device in Jacksonville, a known Leftward stronghold. The Hefnerites have denied supplying any of their stockpile of plutonium for the nuke.
In a related story, another U.N. committee has blamed the worldwide silicone shortage on the "Anna Niclones," women who have themselves surgically altered to resemble their idol. Speaking from the Gigi Strip Club & Shrine To The Perpetually Defrosted Death Fridge, one Niclone (They all legally change their names to "Anna Nicole") said that true Nicolites understand that the Niclones' transformation into Her image isn't blasphemy.
"It is our way, our path to bring to the world what She did: Love, partying and some impressive cleavage," said the spokesbimbo. "Besides, Nicolites making the yearly pilgrimage to view her body in the Sacred Medical Examiner's office actually prefer to travel with Niclones making the same trip. However, in the event that global warming takes the sea level up to the second floor of the building, please do not attempt to use us as emergency floatation devices again."
Meanwhile, the six-month-old siege of UniParaMGMFox studios continues. Over 35,000 Nicolites surrounded the studio facility after an internet rumor leaked that the studio had planned a series for the SciFi Channel where Anna Nicole would be frozen, thawed and fight crime in the future. Even the announcement last October that project had been shelved after a threatened lawsuit by the producers of Cleopatra 2525 didn't stop the siege.
When asked to comment, Rafael Bandwagon, the ten millionth person to come forward claiming to be the father of Dannielynn Nicole Smith, would only say that the pilot for Anna 2626 was just one of several pilots he had read for. When pressed for the legitimacy of his claim to have fathered a woman only three months younger than he is, Mr. Bandwagon insisted that he was being targeted by a "media witch-hunt," and that the media would better serve the public interest investigating the over 140,000 females who have claimed to be Dannielynn's father.
