MickeyOne Can Dream
In a perfect world, TV would be very different:
Old TV shows wouldn't be butchered to add more commercials. If one had to run ads then the time slot would expand to allow the whole show to be presented.
And if one had to run ads, we still wouldn't see the same one more than maybe twice in one evening.
A comedy wouldn't need a laugh track. The unfunny crap that is broadcast as "situation comedies" needs pre-recorded laughter to drown out the silence from the audience. If it's funny, we can laugh at it on our own.
Text would be readable- none of these ads with thirty lines of warnings and legal flummery in letters three pixels high.
Likewise, these "Quantities are limited!" ads wouldn't be allowed to run for more than two years.
Those animated crawling ads that swarm all over the bottom of the screen after a commercial break wouldn't be allowed at all.
They would still play the closing theme for the closing credits.
Saturday Night Live skits would end once the joke stopped being funny.
An ace reporter for a major metropolitan newspaper would still be able to recognize a close friend if he took off his glasses.
America's Funniest Home Videos wouldn't be allowed to show more than five or six crotch-injury shots in any given episode.
In the lower right corner of every news shows, political speeches and "investigative reports" would be the silhouette of man and his robot pals making sarcastic commentary.
Unless it's actually a pilot, movies wouldn't have guest stars.
Larry the Cable Guy would be funny enough that he didn't have to keep reminding the audience "That's funny right there," at the end of every "joke."
Sports commentators wouldn't be expected to keep talking long after they've obviously completely run out of things to say. "The coach can't be very happy about that fumble."
When a sports event runs over, they would back up the day's entire schedule instead of joining your favorite show "in progress."
MTV would have a choice between showing music videos or changing their name to just "TV."
When Voyager returned to Earth, Capt. Janeway would have been court-martialed.
Screenwriting classes would start every day with the students standing and reciting ten times: "A catch phrase is not a punch line."
Old TV shows wouldn't be butchered to add more commercials. If one had to run ads then the time slot would expand to allow the whole show to be presented.
And if one had to run ads, we still wouldn't see the same one more than maybe twice in one evening.
A comedy wouldn't need a laugh track. The unfunny crap that is broadcast as "situation comedies" needs pre-recorded laughter to drown out the silence from the audience. If it's funny, we can laugh at it on our own.
Text would be readable- none of these ads with thirty lines of warnings and legal flummery in letters three pixels high.
Likewise, these "Quantities are limited!" ads wouldn't be allowed to run for more than two years.
Those animated crawling ads that swarm all over the bottom of the screen after a commercial break wouldn't be allowed at all.
They would still play the closing theme for the closing credits.
Saturday Night Live skits would end once the joke stopped being funny.
An ace reporter for a major metropolitan newspaper would still be able to recognize a close friend if he took off his glasses.
America's Funniest Home Videos wouldn't be allowed to show more than five or six crotch-injury shots in any given episode.
In the lower right corner of every news shows, political speeches and "investigative reports" would be the silhouette of man and his robot pals making sarcastic commentary.
Unless it's actually a pilot, movies wouldn't have guest stars.
Larry the Cable Guy would be funny enough that he didn't have to keep reminding the audience "That's funny right there," at the end of every "joke."
Sports commentators wouldn't be expected to keep talking long after they've obviously completely run out of things to say. "The coach can't be very happy about that fumble."
When a sports event runs over, they would back up the day's entire schedule instead of joining your favorite show "in progress."
MTV would have a choice between showing music videos or changing their name to just "TV."
When Voyager returned to Earth, Capt. Janeway would have been court-martialed.
Screenwriting classes would start every day with the students standing and reciting ten times: "A catch phrase is not a punch line."
