Mystery News Theater 3000
Silhouettes of Mike and the bots coming into the theater and taking their seats...
MIKE: So when did the Mads even have time to install a News Sign alarm?
TOM: Does Earth ever actually have 24 hours of news?
NEWS: This is CNN
CROW: (James Earl Jones voice) FOX News, I am your father!
NEWS: New Yorkers awoke to find a disturbing smell in the air...
CROW: And this is different from any other morning in New York how?
MIKE: You can only flush just so many alligators before the whole system backs up...
NEWS: APPLE Computer introduces a new, even smaller phone.
MIKE: It's so small, no one can find it until it rings.
TOM: It's just a matter of time before voice communication will be an optional 'extra' on phones.
NEWS: (Ted Kennedy comes on screen)
ALL: WHOA!!!!!!!!
TOM: Man, the Cryptkeeper really put on some weight!
NEWS: Kennedy proposes Congress not to vote new funds for additional troops unless Congress agrees with the troop increase.
CROW: So, uh, Congress is known for voting to fund things they disagree with?
MIKE: It's called credible deniability.
CROW: Uh huh... and this is some new, slang meaning for the word 'credible?'
NEWS: New Democratic Congress vows to work five-day workweeks.
MIKE: There's no other way they can get around to seeing all the lobbyists in Washington.
NEWS: Iraq announces Saddam Hussein's co-defendants could be executed in a matter of days.
TOM: Oh great- just look how much Saddam's execution did to quiet things down!
CROW: My despotic regime was overthrown and all I got was this lousy cell-phone video.
NEWS: Democrat proposes a non-binding resolution against sending more troops.
CROW: Good call, guys- nothing to break your stereotype as spineless wusses like a non-binding resolution.
MIKE: Well, it was either that or "HELL NO! WE WON'T GO (ANY MORE)!!" bumper stickers.
NEWS: DoD refers to troop increase as "Plus-up."
TOM: You know, there's another four-letter word that would fit in there even better.
CROW: Operation Okay Wise Ass You Think Up A Name For This Mission.
MIKE: Still, you gotta give the anchors credit for keeping a straight face.
NEWS: Bush to address the nation tomorrow night.
MIKE: Good news, guys- the Mads have already planned to hit us with a Gamera flick tomorrow.
CROW: They- they have? (Sniff) Why, those kind, thoughtful, helpful Mads...
TOM: I know- it's like, every once in a while they show us they actually, really care.
MIKE: You don't think they might show us the President's speech as a filler, do you...?
(Stunned silence)
CROW: Well, if they do, I hope you'll do the decent thing, Mike. Just put me in the airlock and turn the red handle counterclockwise...
MIKE: So when did the Mads even have time to install a News Sign alarm?
TOM: Does Earth ever actually have 24 hours of news?
NEWS: This is CNN
CROW: (James Earl Jones voice) FOX News, I am your father!
NEWS: New Yorkers awoke to find a disturbing smell in the air...
CROW: And this is different from any other morning in New York how?
MIKE: You can only flush just so many alligators before the whole system backs up...
NEWS: APPLE Computer introduces a new, even smaller phone.
MIKE: It's so small, no one can find it until it rings.
TOM: It's just a matter of time before voice communication will be an optional 'extra' on phones.
NEWS: (Ted Kennedy comes on screen)
ALL: WHOA!!!!!!!!
TOM: Man, the Cryptkeeper really put on some weight!
NEWS: Kennedy proposes Congress not to vote new funds for additional troops unless Congress agrees with the troop increase.
CROW: So, uh, Congress is known for voting to fund things they disagree with?
MIKE: It's called credible deniability.
CROW: Uh huh... and this is some new, slang meaning for the word 'credible?'
NEWS: New Democratic Congress vows to work five-day workweeks.
MIKE: There's no other way they can get around to seeing all the lobbyists in Washington.
NEWS: Iraq announces Saddam Hussein's co-defendants could be executed in a matter of days.
TOM: Oh great- just look how much Saddam's execution did to quiet things down!
CROW: My despotic regime was overthrown and all I got was this lousy cell-phone video.
NEWS: Democrat proposes a non-binding resolution against sending more troops.
CROW: Good call, guys- nothing to break your stereotype as spineless wusses like a non-binding resolution.
MIKE: Well, it was either that or "HELL NO! WE WON'T GO (ANY MORE)!!" bumper stickers.
NEWS: DoD refers to troop increase as "Plus-up."
TOM: You know, there's another four-letter word that would fit in there even better.
CROW: Operation Okay Wise Ass You Think Up A Name For This Mission.
MIKE: Still, you gotta give the anchors credit for keeping a straight face.
NEWS: Bush to address the nation tomorrow night.
MIKE: Good news, guys- the Mads have already planned to hit us with a Gamera flick tomorrow.
CROW: They- they have? (Sniff) Why, those kind, thoughtful, helpful Mads...
TOM: I know- it's like, every once in a while they show us they actually, really care.
MIKE: You don't think they might show us the President's speech as a filler, do you...?
(Stunned silence)
CROW: Well, if they do, I hope you'll do the decent thing, Mike. Just put me in the airlock and turn the red handle counterclockwise...
Hunt Famous
Orble Post of the Day
Fat Cult
Techbreak
Bush: 'We shouldn't send more troops to Iraq. Let's pull some out.'
The nation: 'Oh yeah? Let's send 20 000 more troops! Ha!'
Passionate Apathy