K'plagh!
The two issues of illegal immigration and national security collided when Rep. David Wu (D-Ore) charged that there are Klingons in the Bush White House. The buck for the extraterrestrial infiltration of the Federal government was passed- some political commentators said at "warp speed"- from Homeland Security to Immigration and Naturalization to NASA. While the Klingons working in the Administration were not named, the national security implications have come under intense scrutiny.
"Klingons are devious, warlike, and very- some would say irrationally- aggressive; and those are their good points!" explained exosocialogist John Colicos. "Certainly no Klingon would ever support a plan to end the war by any means other than total victory and the utter destruction of the enemy."
Some are more skeptical. "I really can't believe that Klingons would be behind a war plan that has gone so catastrophically wrong," said a Trekkie geek identified only as "Francis." "A Klingon war plan would have been far more proactive; neighborhoods supporting insurgents wouldn't have been raided: they would have been wiped out. Just from what I see on the news, I think it far more likely that our government has been taken over by Pakleds. By the way, surf by tvwatchers.net sometime for more information on Klingons and related threats to our planetary security."
The threat has prompted many to call for more rigorous efforts to root out alien aliens from our government. "Check the payrolls- any name with more than two apostrophes must be suspect. Aliens love their apostrophes," opined senior Klingonologist Mark Leonard. "Any Klingon with a smooth-enough forehead to pass for human must have come back from the 23rd Century, when they were completely hostile to humanity. Any Klingon in our nation's bureaucracy can't have the best interest of our citizens at heart." When asked how this would differentiate the Klingons from any other government employee, Mr. Leonard pinched our reporter's neck and had left by the time the reporter regained consciousness.
The Bush Administration, for their part, is taking the threat seriously. President Bush has already asked Congress for seven skytrillion dollars to develop an anti-transporter deflector screen to shield Washington D.C. In a related bill, a rider to earmark $40,000 to actually develop a transporter to test the transporter shield was buried in an NEA funding bill that isn't expected to pass.
"Klingons are devious, warlike, and very- some would say irrationally- aggressive; and those are their good points!" explained exosocialogist John Colicos. "Certainly no Klingon would ever support a plan to end the war by any means other than total victory and the utter destruction of the enemy."
Some are more skeptical. "I really can't believe that Klingons would be behind a war plan that has gone so catastrophically wrong," said a Trekkie geek identified only as "Francis." "A Klingon war plan would have been far more proactive; neighborhoods supporting insurgents wouldn't have been raided: they would have been wiped out. Just from what I see on the news, I think it far more likely that our government has been taken over by Pakleds. By the way, surf by tvwatchers.net sometime for more information on Klingons and related threats to our planetary security."
The threat has prompted many to call for more rigorous efforts to root out alien aliens from our government. "Check the payrolls- any name with more than two apostrophes must be suspect. Aliens love their apostrophes," opined senior Klingonologist Mark Leonard. "Any Klingon with a smooth-enough forehead to pass for human must have come back from the 23rd Century, when they were completely hostile to humanity. Any Klingon in our nation's bureaucracy can't have the best interest of our citizens at heart." When asked how this would differentiate the Klingons from any other government employee, Mr. Leonard pinched our reporter's neck and had left by the time the reporter regained consciousness.
The Bush Administration, for their part, is taking the threat seriously. President Bush has already asked Congress for seven skytrillion dollars to develop an anti-transporter deflector screen to shield Washington D.C. In a related bill, a rider to earmark $40,000 to actually develop a transporter to test the transporter shield was buried in an NEA funding bill that isn't expected to pass.
