MickeyHere's The News...
NEWS DUDE #1: "The Center for Disease Control has been called in as a previously-unknown strain of hemorrhagic fever has claimed upwards of 2,000 lives in over a dozen American cities. Officials ann-"
(Musical fanfare as a BREAKING NEWS/THIS JUST IN banner CGI's itself across the screen)
NEWS DUDE #2: "Sorry to interrupt, News Dude #1, but we're following a breaking story: Sources have informed us that noted celebrity I.M. Famous may or may not have been given a ticket in New York City for jaywalking!"
(Montage of I.M Famous relaxing with other celebrities, frowning seriously in his action movies, and escorting various famous and semi-famous hotties around New York nightclubs.)
"Attorney's for Mr. Famous have released no official statement on the allegations, though one who declined to be interviewed on camera has assured us that 'I.M. Famous has the highest respect for the great City of New York, it's great metropolitan police force and it's great crosswalk lines painted onto the great asphalt of the cities many great, great streets.' "
NEWS DUDE #1: "I'm sure this is all very tense for I.M. Famous's many fans, but right now-"
NEWS DUDE #2: "Hold it- we've just got some breaking video in this still-breaking celebrity break-walking case! I.M. Famous has recorded a public-service message to reiterate the importance of crosswalks for the kids..."
(A triangular phalanx of intensely multi-cultural kiddies follows I.M. Famous across the street at a crosswalk; once on the other side he flashes his trademarked, patented and copyrighted smile at the camera as a banner is rolled across the bottom of the screen: FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS JAY-WALK!!!)
NEWS DUDE #2: "This amazing ability of I.M. Famous to walk in a straight line should put to rest the nasty tabloid rumors about him bumping up against a light pole while walking down a crowed street. Of course, his fans never had any doubt about his straight-walking abilities..."
(Shot of I.M. Famous in fatigues walking towards the camera in slow motion while stuff blows up artfully behind him; the clip is from, well, pretty much the trailers for any action flick he's ever done)
NEWS DUDE #1: "Well, I'm certainly glad that this has all worked out for the best for Mr. Famous. Now to our top story: A hemorrhagic fever epidemic has struck-"
NEWS DUDE #2: "Sorry, again, but we've just gotten a major news break in this story: The total lab capacity of every hospital in New York city has been commandeered to insure that this hammer-uppic fever hasn't infected professional celebrity I.M. Famous. Tune in tonight for our special Two-Hour investigative report: Does I.M. Famous have this hummer-rangic fever?"
(Musical fanfare as a BREAKING NEWS/THIS JUST IN banner CGI's itself across the screen)
NEWS DUDE #2: "Sorry to interrupt, News Dude #1, but we're following a breaking story: Sources have informed us that noted celebrity I.M. Famous may or may not have been given a ticket in New York City for jaywalking!"
(Montage of I.M Famous relaxing with other celebrities, frowning seriously in his action movies, and escorting various famous and semi-famous hotties around New York nightclubs.)
"Attorney's for Mr. Famous have released no official statement on the allegations, though one who declined to be interviewed on camera has assured us that 'I.M. Famous has the highest respect for the great City of New York, it's great metropolitan police force and it's great crosswalk lines painted onto the great asphalt of the cities many great, great streets.' "
NEWS DUDE #1: "I'm sure this is all very tense for I.M. Famous's many fans, but right now-"
NEWS DUDE #2: "Hold it- we've just got some breaking video in this still-breaking celebrity break-walking case! I.M. Famous has recorded a public-service message to reiterate the importance of crosswalks for the kids..."
(A triangular phalanx of intensely multi-cultural kiddies follows I.M. Famous across the street at a crosswalk; once on the other side he flashes his trademarked, patented and copyrighted smile at the camera as a banner is rolled across the bottom of the screen: FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS JAY-WALK!!!)
NEWS DUDE #2: "This amazing ability of I.M. Famous to walk in a straight line should put to rest the nasty tabloid rumors about him bumping up against a light pole while walking down a crowed street. Of course, his fans never had any doubt about his straight-walking abilities..."
(Shot of I.M. Famous in fatigues walking towards the camera in slow motion while stuff blows up artfully behind him; the clip is from, well, pretty much the trailers for any action flick he's ever done)
NEWS DUDE #1: "Well, I'm certainly glad that this has all worked out for the best for Mr. Famous. Now to our top story: A hemorrhagic fever epidemic has struck-"
NEWS DUDE #2: "Sorry, again, but we've just gotten a major news break in this story: The total lab capacity of every hospital in New York city has been commandeered to insure that this hammer-uppic fever hasn't infected professional celebrity I.M. Famous. Tune in tonight for our special Two-Hour investigative report: Does I.M. Famous have this hummer-rangic fever?"
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