And Now For A Word...
The hero looks up as imminent danger looms...
"See? Kids smile when they wolf down this crap- so what if they can't fit into the school desks by 10th Grade, and have a heart attack by their Senior year?"
"Tonight on News Night Tonight, at 11:00, we'll tell you about a danger that you should know about. In fact it's so dangerous we really should just tell you now, but at the moment we're busy telling you that we're showing a late-night new show just like every other broadcast station..."
"If anything at all has ever happened to you or anyone you know- or even anyone you just heard of, or anyone who's name kind of sort of sounds like someone you used to know, then you may have legal rights! Call now to set up some inanely frivolous lawsuit today..."
"In a desperate world... in a time of crisis... in a blockbuster movie... comes a 'star' who couldn't act his way out of a paper bag- but hey- just look at all the cool 'splosions!!"
"This amazing product is not sold in stores- because you guys would return it en masse and we'd go out of business..."
"This AMAZING super INCREDIBLE wonder UNBELIEVABLE miracle UNTESTED DRUG is guaranteed to help you lose weight- when combined with regular exercise and a sensible diet..."
"Are you behind in your credit cards? Would you prefer the thrill of risking losing your home? We're desperate to make you a home loan since we can't possibly lose..."
"Yo dawg- we be using this street-jive gangsta rap to make you think you're not 'with it' if you don't buy this... this... yo kid- what we be selling, anyway?"
"In this unsafe and ever-deteriorating world you need a news channel you can rely on for fair and insightful coverage- but come on and at least try us first! We do have a hot blonde..."
"We're dripping hot half-naked girls all over this 20-something while he drinking our swill beer because that looks way better than the shot at 3:00am when he's spewing it back out all over the porcelain..."
"Victoria's Secret is that over 99% of the people who buy her catalog are guys... but hey, as long as we have these models writhing around in our lingerie we could recite NORAD's launch codes here and no one would notice..."
We return to see our hero escape from a plot hole ex machina the writers pulled out of their...
"See? Kids smile when they wolf down this crap- so what if they can't fit into the school desks by 10th Grade, and have a heart attack by their Senior year?"
"Tonight on News Night Tonight, at 11:00, we'll tell you about a danger that you should know about. In fact it's so dangerous we really should just tell you now, but at the moment we're busy telling you that we're showing a late-night new show just like every other broadcast station..."
"If anything at all has ever happened to you or anyone you know- or even anyone you just heard of, or anyone who's name kind of sort of sounds like someone you used to know, then you may have legal rights! Call now to set up some inanely frivolous lawsuit today..."
"In a desperate world... in a time of crisis... in a blockbuster movie... comes a 'star' who couldn't act his way out of a paper bag- but hey- just look at all the cool 'splosions!!"
"This amazing product is not sold in stores- because you guys would return it en masse and we'd go out of business..."
"This AMAZING super INCREDIBLE wonder UNBELIEVABLE miracle UNTESTED DRUG is guaranteed to help you lose weight- when combined with regular exercise and a sensible diet..."
"Are you behind in your credit cards? Would you prefer the thrill of risking losing your home? We're desperate to make you a home loan since we can't possibly lose..."
"Yo dawg- we be using this street-jive gangsta rap to make you think you're not 'with it' if you don't buy this... this... yo kid- what we be selling, anyway?"
"In this unsafe and ever-deteriorating world you need a news channel you can rely on for fair and insightful coverage- but come on and at least try us first! We do have a hot blonde..."
"We're dripping hot half-naked girls all over this 20-something while he drinking our swill beer because that looks way better than the shot at 3:00am when he's spewing it back out all over the porcelain..."
"Victoria's Secret is that over 99% of the people who buy her catalog are guys... but hey, as long as we have these models writhing around in our lingerie we could recite NORAD's launch codes here and no one would notice..."
We return to see our hero escape from a plot hole ex machina the writers pulled out of their...
Passionate Apathy
1: "Infomercials," basically a paid half-hour or even a whole hour-long ad for some product or service; almost never something sold in a store, so you'd have to call to order it.
2: "Scamfomercials," ads for some get-rich-quick scheme. If I truly new some way to make so much money so fast, I'd certainly not waste time making these stupid infomercials when I could be using the time to lounge on the beach with a dozen half-naked babes.
3: "Sexfomercials," which break down into two types: Ads for phone sex lines- they're called "chat lines," but since the ads always feature girls writhing around in skimpy bikinis and/or lingerie, one can kind of guess at the subject of the "chat." We also get the ads for "Girls Gone Wild," where some low-lifes stalk party zones looking for young girls getting drunk for the first time so they can persuade them to strip for the camera.
The ones that air late night tend to be more risqué - for example, you can download 'A Night In Paris' to your phone, or download orgasm ringtones. It's irritating to be bombarded with this crap all night long.